to feed thy soul

There's more to life than practicalities. Sometimes you need a little soul food.

I still haven't bought a bed for my new nest, I'm keeping my old couch, and I bought 2 chairs and a rug off craigslist. I've got thousands of dollars of moving expenses coming up in just a few weeks.

But I needed something special...something that makes me smile every time I see it. Something that reminds me on a gut level that life is wonderful.

Thank you, Jenny (of MFAMB), for creating - just for me  - that exact something. 

Summer in Skye, by Jenny Anderson

Summer in Skye, by Jenny Anderson

Portree, Skye

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left, 
Sell one, and with the dole 
Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.


Attributed to the Gulistan of Moslih Eddin Saadi, 
a Mohammedan sheik and Persian poet who lived about 1184-1291

evolve or evaporate

I know it looks like I have a great attitude about all this, and I guess at this point I do. But you should have seen me 3 months ago. Well, no - you shouldn't have seen me, which is why I was hiding - but if you had seen me, or are one of the people who did see me, you would know that I didn't get to this place easily. It's been hard. Gut-wrenching. FUQING AWFUL. But I'm past the worst part, partly due to the magic of time doin' it's thing, and partly because, yes, I chose to feel better. One thought at a time, I chose better over worse. Which doesn't make me a Super Heroine, it just makes me a survivor. Which is a kind of heroism in itself, I guess.

Sometimes I took one step forward and then a flying leap back, devolving and dissolving and miring down in despair. But then I'd get my wits about me and start forward again.  

I'm not "there" yet - and have realized, finally, that there is no "there" really, since it's all a process - but I'm at least maintaining general forward motion. Onward and upward. Tally ho.

Maybe eventually I'll write a Survival Guide for the Wastelands, but for now I'll just say that It. Is. WORK. It's hard work, and it's a choice. A million choices, every step of the way. 

Photos by photographer Tim Remick, taken moments after these climbers had returned to base camp after reaching the top of Mt. McKinley.

"That's how you stick around. Evolve or evaporate. You have to be very cognizant of what's going on around you. You can't be so bold and reluctant to be receptive to change that you don't allow yourself to grow..." ~ Usher

uniquely your own

27 days to launch. I'm living in that soon-to-be-moving limbo, with lots of stuff boxed up, lots of stuff just lying about (said in my best Carl Pilkington voice, did you hear it?!). I'm truly almost finished packing, but anyone want to bet that I'll still be in a panic and rush the day before? I will, I just will.

I'm chomping at the bits to get there, and obsessing over my new little place. How will it look when I'm all settled? How will it feel? How do I want it to look and feel? That's the real question, and some of the answers are slow to come...

I know conventional wisdom says to settle in slowly, don't rush it, take your time. But I may only be there a year, so there's not a lot of time to take, and besides, I want to feel at home from the beginning, which means nest-building in high gear. Even if that means making some mistakes along the way...

Which is a metaphor for how I've lived my whole life, and it's worked pretty well for me all these years, despite all current appearances to the contrary.

So, I'll do what I always do: think it to death, plan what I can, then, in the end, fling it all together and see how I like it.

What will I keep, what will I let go? That's always the question, isn't it?

Absorb what is useful. Discard what is not. Add what is uniquely your own.

~ Bruce Lee

sometimes, when you fall

I've been away because my life has been SHIT, falling apart at the seams, a year-long series of unanticipated and unfortunate events. I won't go into details, but to my relief, I think the worst is really over.

That being said, I feel like I'm about to be shot out of a cannon.

July 1st I will move away from Moss Hill and into a sweet little house in L'ville, in a bustling neighborhood that is the polar opposite of this place.

For the first time in my life - ever - I will live alone. I'm not afraid any longer (I was never afraid of being alone, but I've been terrified of being lonely), maybe a little sad now and then about the end of this part of my life (this part that I thought would never end, this part that I thought was forever), but mostly, finally, excited about what's ahead...

For now, I'm most excited about setting up and settling in, and doing it all completely to my own liking, with no one else's opinions to be concerned about. And when I say excited? I mean giddy!

Let's all be brave together, shall we? I think it's going to be fine!

Sometimes you wake up. 
Sometimes the fall kills you. 

And sometimes, when you fall, you fly. 

— Neil Gaiman

Henryville, Indiana EF-4 tornado

I live in Henryville, IN.

My daughter, all the dogs, and I were under the stairs in the basement when an EF-4 tornado wiped out the town on Friday. In the way tornadoes do, it skipped our house entirely. We both have hail damage to our cars (baseball-sized hail will fuq up a car...) but the house is fine.

This is what's left of my town. Nothing...

I know we were so lucky, but I'm still just devastated.