a bit naive and stupidly optimistic

When you  take these looooooooong blogging breaks  are a lazy, distracted, no follow-through blogger like I am, there's always a lot of recapping and catching up to do upon returning. Gap filling.  Revisionist history in the making.

As you may recall, the last recap ended with me on the cusp of saying goodbye forever to my ex wife. What, you don't remember? That's okay, jump over here and re-read it to refresh your memory. I'll wait.

...

...

Ready? Okay, so...

November 1, 2012: The Last Goodbye. It. Was. Awful. Too awful for me to talk about it. Really too awful for me to even think about it. God DAMN it. It was probably, hopefully, the last time I'll ever see her. I say hopefully because there was just too much pain for me to ever want to have anything at all to do with anything or anyone that evokes memories of that pain. Remember Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

Yeah...

December 2012: The company I worked for downsized the sales team by 50%, and I lost my job. Instead of being freaked out, I was relieved. Weird, huh? After I lost my job, I bought a 1987 Toyota TravelMaster RV. I named her Clementine. Weird, huh?

December 2012 - January 2013: I spent the last few days of 2012 and the first few days of 2013 on the Gulf of Mexico in Texas, camping on the beach. It was lovely, gray, sandy, wet, cold, rainy. Perfect.

January 2013: Visited my best friend in Arkansas. My friend I've known since we were babies in the playpen together. My best friend for literally my entire life.

my beautiful bestest, and me

February 2013: Spent a month in Arkansas, visiting friends and family, camping in Clem with my 4 dogs. My house was broken into while I was gone. Little fuckers stole $70 out of my change jar (but not the jar) and some of my jewelry. They were careful not to make a mess. It was weird, and I was pissed, but relieved it wasn't worse.

March 2013: Discovered that I like college basketball a lot, if "my" team is in the playoffs, winning, and watching the games involves drinking lots of bourbon at the bar with a rowdy crowd of friends and fellow fans. Go Cards!!  Meanwhile, my 82 yr old Mom fell and hurt her arm. Her living alone in south Arkansas began to seem less and less doable. I spent a week with her while she recovered...

April -May 2013: Susan the Social Butterfly mode reached full swing.  There were lots of goings on and goings out with my friends, including planning and pulling off a BRILLIANT "Derby de Mayo" Party to celebrate both the Kentucky Derby and Cinco de Mayo. 

I make a mean motherfucking Mint Julep!
The secret is the homemade minted simple syrup.
Dangerously delicious.

Sparkle on!

Also in May 2013: My mom, my sister, and I decided that my mom would move from Arkansas to Kentucky, where we would buy a duplex, and Mom and I live together-but-not. This would enable her to stay out of Assisted Living for as long as possible. Reaching this decision was NOT simple or straightforward, and was complicated and influenced by some serious hard feelings between me and my sister. Then, in what seemed like a good idea but probably wasn't, we ended up buying this gem - a 113 yr old brick Italianate 3 story home that has been converted to a triplex, with a 1 BR apartment on each floor, one for Mom on the first floor, me on the 2nd, my sister on the 3rd.

The new digs...

June 2013: Spent a week and a half with my sister in south Arkansas packing up my mom's house. HOLY SHIT, so much stuff! Plus many weird memory jogging, highlights reel, time capsule-esque moments. (Also in June: I reconnected with my first love, from high school. My first first. That is a whole other story, a whole tale unto itself that is still unfolding, revealing itself like a flower in bloom.)

Watch this, volume up. You won't be sorry. It'll totally make up for the previous video, I promise...

July 2013: Moved out of Pope St, and into the new place. My sister followed 2 weeks later, and my mom a week and a half after that. My sister and I unpacked and settled my mom's apartment so she could move right in, which she did.

Since then we've all been getting really settled in, adjusting (?) to the new living situation and dynamics. It hasn't been easy. In fact, I know that this is a spiritual test or karmic crucible or some shit, and that this is my chance to work out my shit with my sister. Those blooming flowers couldn't have come along at a better time.

Over, under, around and through all of that, there have been weddings, middle of the night motorcycle rides, concerts, road trips, breakfasts/lunches/dinners with friends and family, beautiful bawdy body-con burlesque shows by the Va Va Vixens, and a play about Frida.

So, now that we're all caught up on my life, tell me - what have you been up to?

“Because with time blocking out the bad, 

memory is always bound to be a bit naive and stupidly optimistic.” 

 ― Guy Delisle, Shenzhen: A Travelogue from China

xo, Susan

I like this look I love you all

Standing up straight I'm ten feet tall

I like this look I love you all

A hundred feet off the ground it seems

That a beautiful day is gracing me

Don't let your feet touch ground

And don't look Down

Oh, Oh

I pull my boots up to my knees

No coats or hats, thank you please

I dig up dirt and I find no wrong

All while singing a silly song

Don't let your feet touch ground

And don't look Down

Oh, Oh

There are no mistakes

Up in our secret place

We're not just getting by

Everything is fine

Don't let your feet touch ground

And don't look Down

Oh, Oh

ASH KOLEY - DON'T LET YOUR FEET TOUCH GROUND 

keep me thinking

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringin' me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare

See how I'll leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringin' me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you and I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love remind you of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

Could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Rolling in the deep

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
You had my heart and soul
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
And you played it to the beat

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
Could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Rolling in the deep

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
You had my heart and soul in your hand
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
But you played it, you played it, you played it to the beat

when i get there

Well I started out down a dirty road
Started out all alone
And the sun went down as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up, the world got still

I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well the good ol' days may not return
And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn

I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out, for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there

I'm learning to fly, around the clouds,
But what goes up must come down

I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing

and that's not nearly all

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love

somebody that i used to know

now you're just somebody that i used to know

~ gotye

boom, badoom, boom

Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away

Beating like a drum and it's coming your way
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom
Boom, badoom, boom bass?
He got that super bass
Boom, badoom, boom
Boom, badoom, boom bass
Yeah that's that super bass!

which would YOU choose? and WHEN?

18 minutes from now you'll see yourself, your life, and your place in this world very differently. Take this opportunity to be astonished, and inspired. 18 minutes to a new way of thinking... 

p.s. Thank you, Missy, for sharing this with me!

because it's worth it! MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON, TWO

Why do I smile a lot? Uh, because it's worth it!

In case you want to see Part 1 again...(and you do, really, you do!): MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON

only this moment

This Uncertain Summer is almost over.  Next up, September, which brings:

• A new job!
• The 11th Anniversary of the day I married my unlawfully wedded wife.
• And a VERY BIG birthday:

Begin doing what you want to do now.  We have only this moment,  sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake.   ~Marie Ray

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

We - humans - have got it all wrong. We're not superior. We're not so special. We don't have dominion over the planet and all its inhabitants - or rather, we shouldn't. We've underestimated our fellow travelers, and overestimated our importance in the grand scheme of things. We've got it all wrong.

Un Eléphant réussi à peindre son autoportrait !
Uploaded by BriKO. - See more comedy videos.

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

that feelin'

This makes me happy. It reminds me that we humans are amazing, beautiful, complex creatures with the capacity for great joy for joy's sake.

My favorite bits? The dog at 2:03, and the little girl at 2:52 (!!!).

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'

- Journey

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

the plentiful imagery of the world

You want to see this 3 year old child recite this poem; it will fill you with wonder and hope and some unnameable thing that feels like watching the stars careen across the heavens, or the scent of heather on the moors:


Litany
by Billy Collins


You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.


Please, click through to watch if you haven't already. You'll be so pleased, and refreshed, and renewed. 


I promise.


http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

compared to what? MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON!

Thanks to Jenny of MFAMB for sharing this bit of sweetness. You will smile.

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

a couple things America got right...

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

undefinable yet paradoxical

When it was time to retire my 1960s hard-rock maple "Early American" coffee table I looked high and low for a glass-top table I could love. Maybe I was looking in the wrong decade...

All these images (via here) are from the 1970s, and while some of them are clearly from another era, there are several that could hold their own - as is - against any contemporary room out there. (I especially love 1, 6, and 9.)  Even the ones with particularly hideous elements have something that could pass as 2010. 

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; 

the past is gone, the future is not come, 

and the present becomes the past 

even while we attempt to define it, 

and, like the flash of lightning, 

at once exists and expires. 

~Charles Caleb Colton

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

all of my days

I found this today over on Kind Over Matter.  Watch:

All of My Days from Kate Swoboda on Vimeo.


Then go here to learn more about the creator of this poignant reminder of all there is to love in this life.




http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

seams of walls and floors

We've finally gotten to the fun stuff: hanging pictures, fluffing pillows, having friends and family out for Sunday brunch -

All is well in our corner of Eden. 

My coffee and I stopped by the wickedly funny My Favorite and My Best this morning and sat, wide-eyed and smiling, as I watched this treasure Jenny had found in her inbox. It's so very perfect I had to share, because I know you'll love it, too. Watch:

See? I told you!

Houses, houses
Seams of walls and floors
Windows to hallways
Closed and open doors...


from Lost Things, by A Fine Frenzy




http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

a color for your eyes

From sweet sweet life to scrumdilly-do to this sweet bit of hand-clapping, toe-tapping, sing-along happiness:

flickr.com/photos/bohemiancouture

desiretoinspire.net

colormekatie.blogspot.com

flickr.com/photos/besimo

prettyfoods.tumblr.com

weheartit.com

flickr.com/photos/claudiotizzani

dirtyprettything.tumblr.com

flickr.com/photos/lypillow

Crayola Doesn't Make a Color For Your Eyes 
by Kristin Andreasssen & Megan Downes / Yellowcar Music, ASCAP

I went to see the doctor. I'd come down with the blues.
She said "No, I can't cure you, but I know something you can do.
Take out a piece of paper, and sit down for a while,
and draw a pretty picture of something that makes you smile."
Well, I know what makes me happy. Didn't have to think for long.
But when I tried to draw it, it always came out wrong.
I had a box of 12, 48 and 64,
but nowhere could I find that one shade I was looking for.
I guess I realized, shoulda come as no surprise... 

Crayola doesn't make a color for your eyes.
There is no way that I could possibly describe you.
Crayola doesn't make a color to draw my love. 

At first I thought of Green Blue, but then I saw Blue Green.
And then sometimes in bright light, they look Aquamarine.
I think at night they're darker. I looked again for you.
Saw Grey and Black and went out walkin' after Midnight Blue
But the hues of the deepest skies would be a compromise...


Crayola doesn't make a color... 

Spring Green is much too yellow, Sea Green is far too pale.
Cornflower's way too mellow, so I'll try again and fail.
There's no way I can capture the way you make me feel.
One look from you is rapture, whether Blue or Green or Teal.
No color qualifies. That crayon's telling lies...


Crayola doesn't make a color... 

Hey look, it's Periwinkle. So sure I got it now.
But you wink and there's a twinkle in your eye and still, somehow,
I just can't get that sparkle. Those glitter crayons won't.
Maybe Glow-In-The-Dark'll get it right. Aw, no they don't.
Mr. Crayola tries, but I'm left to fantasize...


Crayola doesn't make a color... 


For your eyes, something darker let's see what I can find.
Melted mahogany and got the depth not the shine.
Just about gave up and then I peeled the paper off a little end of...
Really thought it coulda been... ahh, not even Burnt Sienna!
Your passport says they're brown, but I'm gonna keep lookin' round... 


Crayola doesn't make a color for your eyes.
There is no way that I could possibly describe you.
Crayola doesn't make a color to draw my love.

*BONUS extra verse by Megan Downes, written after the recording was made.**

Raw umber? Sepia? Which one is best for eyes of brown?
Your lashes can't conceal dark eyes so warm, so deep they drown
All my sorrows, pain and heartache;All my sadness is washed away.
Outside the lines, that color shines and makes a brand new day.
(A stick of) brown wax can't emphasize the way your eyes (just) hypnotize...




http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/