Dreams Underfoot

a little candy now and then

2012-01-25T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure winter isn't going to happen this year, so I'm ready for spring, and candy colors.

What about you? How's the weather in your world?

All I really need is love,

but a little candy now and then doesn't hurt!

- Charles Schultz

boom, badoom, boom

2012-01-19T18:31:00.000-05:00

Boy you got myheartbeat runnin' away

Beating like a drum and it's coming your way
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom
Boom, badoom, boom bass?
He got that super bass
Boom, badoom, boom
Boom, badoom, boom bass
Yeah that's that super bass!

gone dark

2012-01-18T14:03:00.000-05:00

PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

something slightly wild

2012-01-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm terrible about anthropomorphising, everything from machines to animals. My car has a name (Bleeker), my mp3 player has a name (Captain Apollo), my elliptical has a name (Zoe). With animals, of course, it's even worse, because not only do I name the ones in my care, I also absolutely believe we share with them what we - selfish, ego-maniacal creatures that we are - tend to think of as "human" characteristics, specifically emotions, needs, desires...

You know as well as I do that dogs love, cats get bored, elephants mourn. (You do know that, don't you?) But even without looking into it that deeply, it's easy, and fun, to think of them as being like us, isn't it? I know I did my fair share of dressing kittens in doll clothes and parading them up and down Deerbrook Rd when I was little.

These are postcards by an artist named Eugen Hartung (or Hurtong), who lived from 1897-1973. These cards, known as the Humorous Dressed Cats postcards or Mainzer Dressed Cats postcards, were originally published from the 1940's through the 1960's by Alfred Mainzer Inc. in New York City, known worldwide for their postcards and greeting cards. The Mainzer company was founded by brothers Renate and Alfred Mainzer, who started the business in their New York City home in 1938. The early postcards had a rough finish, brilliant colors, and scalloped ("deckled") edges. The cards were printed in Switzerland, Belgium, Turkey, Thailand, and Spain. An additional series of Mainzer dressed cats were published as the "Kunzli edition" - these appear to be set in older European environments, and are typically not as brightly colored as the American editions. (source)

I think they're absolutely charming, despite the fact - or maybe because of it - that for the most part the kittens seem to be completely wild. If you've ever known a litter of kittens, or even one really worth its salt, you know that in that respect, at least, they've been portrayed true to their nature.

When youinvite a kitten into your home,

you bringindoors something slightly wild,

oftenunpredictable,

and alwaysentertaining.

~ Barbara L.Diamond

a part of our life

2012-01-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

Alabaster, ivory, opal, pearl. Even the names for white are lovely.

I spent the week travelling for work, first to Chicago, then to Kansas City. After the first few days it turned cold, and the snow flurried, but to no avail. It blew across the streets like sugar, but didn't stick.

I think we won't get any proper snow this winter. No whipped cream drifts for the dogs to plow through like maniacs, no downy cloudbursts of feathery flakes, no crystalline silent woods to explore. I think I'll have to get my fix of white elsewhere this year.

The pure air and dazzling snow belong to things

beyond the reach ofall personal feeling,

almost beyond the reach of life.

Yet such things are apart of our life,

neither the least noble nor the most terrible.

~ FrederickSoddy

rekindle the inner spirit

2012-01-07T10:05:00.000-05:00

book/[boo'k] /

Noun:

A written or printed work consisting of pages glued or sewn together along one side and bound in covers.

sto·ry/ˈstôrē/

Noun:

An account of imaginary or real people and events told for entertainment: "an adventure story".

Did I mention that I got this smart + pretty little thing for Christmas? No, hardcore book-lovers, it's not a book, but it's full of stories, and I love it. Plus, I can read my favorite blogs, check my email and facebook, and listen to audiobooks while I'm traveling.

I'm notoriously hard on electronics, though. I've drowned numerous cell phones and 1 mp3 player in cups of sweet milky coffee over the years, drowned another cell phone in the toilet, and somehow managed to lose 3 keys from my laptop keyboard. So a case for this new baby is a must. I did get a case for Christmas, too, but these offerings from the talented folks over at etsy make me think I could change them out like purses...

CitrusSister $10

SewitGirl $40

gothicreations $24

irisandlily $20

JulieMeyer $20

UPSTYLE $35

kreatedbykim $30

rabbitsmile $25

sandmanquilts $40

momandmia $20

WillowandCompany $45

In everyone's life,at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by anencounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those peoplewho rekindle the inner spirit. - AlbertSchweitzer

P.S. This is my 400th post!!

nearer to the divine

2012-01-05T20:24:00.002-05:00

How long does it take you to get ready for bed? It takes me at least 1/2 hour. At a minimum I: straighten the living room, tidy the kitchen, set up the coffee pot, take the dogs out, put them to bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, get a glass of water, turn off the lights, check the locks, turn off the heat, THEN go upstairs, straighten the bed, gather my reading material and glasses, open the window, get undressed, and then, finally, get into bed.

Last night I realized, mid-routine, that I was irritated by this process. All the stuff I had to do was just a series of obstacles between what I'd been doing, and what I was going to do next. This part, the process, was somehow unworthy of appreciation, or even notice, except as an aggravation. Strange, if you think about it (and I did, of course). Wasteful, really, to be irritated by 1/2 hour of every single day of my precious life. That's 182.5 hours a year. 7.6 days a year. Year after year after year. I spend an entire WEEK every year being pissed off about my bedtime routine. At the end of this ride I bet I'll wish I'd spent those weeks differently. Hell, I'm already wishing that!

And it's not just that time that's so ungratefully squandered. I get fussy about carrying in groceries, waiting in traffic, waiting for the dogs to potty, standing in checkout lines, looking for my glasses, waiting for a webpage to load for heaven's sake... and why? What would I do with that time if I could do something else with it? Climb a mountain, learn another language, paint a masterpiece, practice my mandolin, learn to play the ukulele I got for Christmas year before last, read more, laugh more, love more, live more? Probably not! Besides, most of those things are unavoidable, they have to be done, so it's not like I could actually opt-out anyway.

The only thing I can do, then, is choose to experience it differently. So that's my challenge: to recognize that all the moments of my life are precious, and to choose to appreciate them, or at least find a way to not resent them. Carrying in groceries may not be fun, but I could choose to sing instead of grumble while I do it. Getting ready for bed will still take me 1/2 hour, but I can choose to enjoy the fragrance of the soap when I wash my face, and the warm water on my hands. I can settle into the routine and remind myself that this is my life, moment by moment, and putting the dogs and the house to bed are sacred duties, and I'm fortunate to have them.

The bridges and stairways and stepping stones are more than just the way to get from a to b; they're part of the path, too, and more importantly, the path is ALL THERE IS.

How much time are you throwing away? What are you going to do about it?

"The lesson whichlife repeats and constantly enforces is 'lookunder foot.' You are always nearerto the divine and the true sources of your power than you think. The lure ofthe distant and the difficult is deceptive.

The greatopportunity is where you are.

Do not despise yourown place and hour. Every place is under the stars, every place is the centerof the world. Stand in your own dooryard and you have eight thousand miles ofsolid ground beneath you, and all the sidereal splendors overhead." - JohnBurroughs

the silent limbo of the past

2011-12-31T18:53:00.004-05:00

GOODBYE 2011,

you rude sonofabitch!!

Here's to 2012!

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past

. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

~Brooks Atkinson

after the blazing dies

2011-12-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas came and went in a blur. It was lovely, and we gave and received muchly, all with deep gratitude and joy, as is befitting this winter celebration of the dying year, and the world's rebirth...

Now this year is almost over, and I, for one, am glad. Everything has turned out well, but still...it's been hell, and I'll be glad when it's behind me.

I'm looking forward to January, that cold, grey month of thin light and long shadows and the low, low sun.

Burning the Old Year

BY NAOMI SHIHAB NYE

Letters swallow themselves in seconds.

Notes friends tied to the doorknob,

transparent scarlet paper,

sizzle like moth wings,

marry the air.

So much of any year is flammable,

lists of vegetables, partial poems.

Orange swirling flame of days,

so little is a stone.

Where there was something and suddenly isn’t,

an absence shouts, celebrates, leaves a space.

I begin again with the smallest numbers.

Quick dance, shuffle of losses and leaves,

only the things I didn’t do

crackle after the blazing dies.

Oh, Christmas Tree!

2011-12-24T03:01:00.000-05:00

Some people wait to decorate the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. I'm not one of those people. But if you are, get busy: today's the day!

for sources mouse over photos

How often has the Christmas tree

Afforded me the greatest glee!

from "O Christmas Tree"

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

right this very minute

2011-12-23T08:25:00.000-05:00

It's almost Christmas, and I'm almost ready...but not quite. I've done most, but not all, of the must-dos: tree, decorations, presents are all nearly done. But I'm not quite ready in my heart, either. I'm afraid Christmas will come and be gone without me ever getting fully in the Christmas spirit, and I don't want that to happen. What I want is the wonder, the joy, the giddy anticipation. Am I too old for that?

I think I need Auntie Mame...

For I've grown a little leaner, grown a little colder

Grown a little sadder, grown a little older

And I need a little angel sitting on my shoulder

Need a little Christmas now

Surely that'll do it. Bring on the Christmas!

Christmas!

The very word brings joy to our hearts.

No matter how we may dread the rush,

the long Christmas lists for gifts and cards to be bought and given -

when Christmas Day comes there is still the same warm feeling we had as children,

the same warmth that enfolds our hearts and our homes.

~Joan Winmill Brown

which would YOU choose? and WHEN?

2011-12-22T13:30:00.000-05:00

18 minutes from now you'll see yourself, your life, and your place in this world very differently. Take this opportunity to be astonished, and inspired. 18 minutes to a new way of thinking...

p.s. Thank you, Missy, for sharing this with me!

closes its eyes

2011-12-17T01:17:00.000-05:00

One of the best things about old friends, if you're lucky (and I am, without a doubt), is that even if it's been years between visits, the time apart flies away the minute your eyes meet again, and all the catching up and filling in is accomplished with ease, and joy...no guilt, no sadness, just joy at seeing each other again.

We did that, my darling longest loves and I, those dears from forever and always. We laughed and cried and created a terrible, wonderful ruckus and didn't give one damn that we were making a scene. We talked, and shared, and caught up, and it was wonderful. Those faces, those voices, those familiar laughs...such treasures. Carol swears it's been 20 years, and mathematically I know she's right, but in my heart? That's impossible!

Nostalgia has a strong hold on me these days.

Regrets? Not exactly...more like wishes, and mainly the wish that I could have my cake and eat it too. I wish I could be back in Arkansas, my life intertwined with those I've loved so long, living in a place so familiar that it seems to slow the passage of time...I wish I could do that, AND be here, in the separate and beautiful life I made for myself when I left Little Rock 31 years ago. I wish I could have it all. Now that I'm working from home (thank you, former employer, for putting me in a position to make that happen, and thank you even more, new employer, for making it possible!) I plan to make more frequent trips back. I need to refill the well.

Missy, my best friend since babyhood (we played in a playpen together), spent a whole afternoon pampering me at the day spa where she works as an aesthetician, and I left that evening with long, fluttery eyelash extensions, which, although my own lashes are fine and stubby, looked amazing and natural. So fun!

These completely unnatural extensions would be fun, too, don't you think? I'd wear 'em!

All the better to see you with, my dears...

"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Missy, Laura, Carol, Sherry, Dennis (and Skip!) - I love you!! :)

into the world within

2011-11-29T21:57:00.001-05:00

I'm on the road for work, traveling back to my home state, sleeping in my home town, spending time with the family and friends of my beginning,

I've been given my sister's RV to call my own while I'm here, just a few feet from the house, yet a world unto itself. I'm loving it down in my gypsy soul.

I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless,

as it extends into the world around us,

it goes an equal distance into the world within.

- Lillian Smith

still I lie sleepless

2011-11-27T02:16:00.001-05:00

I'm always hot. It's most annoying when I try to sleep. In that trickster way that the Universe seems to enjoy of pairing couples who run at opposite ends of the hot/cold spectrum, my wife is always cold. The thermostat wars are played out most fiercely in bed, she with her electric blanket on high, me with my fan(s) and brutally cold air, whether from an open window in the winter or an AC set so low it's ecologically criminal in the summer.

To make it even more difficult, I can only sleep really well covered by a heavy blanket - and by heavy, I mean weighty. But then, of course, I burn up.

I look at these thick, plush beds below and I'm torn: oh, don't those look divine, the perfect heft to snug you down to sleep...and, oh my god, don't those look frightfully hot, guaranteed to make falling asleep a miserable impossibility...

My wife, of course, would suffer no such quandary. She would love them unequivocally.

What do you think?

A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by

One after one; the sound of rain, and bees
Murmuring; the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky -
I've thought of all by turns, and still I lie
Sleepless...

~William Wordsworth, "To Sleep"

because it's worth it! MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON, TWO

2011-11-19T02:03:00.001-05:00

Why do I smile a lot? Uh, because it's worth it!

In case you want to see Part 1 again...(and you do, really, you do!): MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON

all the year

2011-11-18T01:22:00.001-05:00

Sheesh, they start Christmas earlier and earlier every year! Thanksgiving isn't until next week...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. I usually agree, but this year I can hardly wait to get the last plate scraped, the leftovers divvied up, and then halls decked.

Still, since Thanksgiving is a week away, I'll indulge just a little. For now.

Oooooh, pretty...

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

-Ebenezer Scrooge

(Charles Dickens)

the elusive boundaries of our origin

2011-11-13T22:57:00.001-05:00

If i could only have 1 super power it would be to fly. (If I could have 2, I would add invisibility. Just sayin'.)

Doesn't everyone wish they could fly?

Above:photographer Natsumi Hayashi. She sometimes has to jump as many as 300 times to get the shot she's after. See more here: http://yowayowacamera.com.

Within all of us is a varying amountof space lint and star dust, the residue from our creation.

Most are too busy to notice it, andit is stronger in some than others.

It is strongest in those of us whofly and is responsible for an unconscious, subtle desire

to slip into some wings and try for theelusive boundaries of our origin.

~K.O. Eckland

I heard demands

2011-11-06T15:53:00.004-05:00

Last night I attended a party at sweet Val's house, to celebrate Día de los Muertos, or "Day of the Dead." Valerie goes all out, with traditional foods, costumes, a bonfire, hooping hoopsters, music, dancing, an ofrenda (altar), and free-flowing drinks of all kinds.

Val and her sugar skull cake

Chris "Caliente" and Val

Me and Jill

Nikki and Friend

Val's ofrenda (altar)

I love the idea of celebrating lost loved ones, but there's more to it than that. We love them, but we fear them, too. The syrupy sweet coffee we put on the altar because it's Auntie's favorite is an offering of love, but it's also a gesture of appeasement. As kind as she may have been before death, after she's passed we don't really want Auntie gliding into the kitchen in search of a cup of joe in the middle of the night.

We intentionally but "safely" explore our fears in order to overcome them...Rubber-necking at car crashes, watching horror movies, reading true crime novels, telling spooky stories at sleepovers, putting evil witches in fairy tales, and yes - even Halloween and Day of the Dead celebrations - all put us face-to-face with our fears . In these scenarios we always come out victorious, and maybe a little less afraid.

I know I did...

These amazing installations by artist James Hopkins serve the same purpose, in a contemporary but unmistakable manner.

Fear

by Hart Crane

The host, he says that all is well

And the fire-wood glow is bright;

The food has a warm and tempting smell,—

But on the window licks the night.

Pile on the logs... Give me your hands,

Friends! No,— it is not fright...

But hold me... somewhere I heard demands...

And on the window licks the night.

From wikipedia:

Each year in the beginning of November, millions around the world honor and remember their deceased loved ones. From Latin America to the Philippines, people visit family members' and friends' graves, eat customary food or follow particular traditions. Also known in some countries as All Souls' Day, the Day of the Dead originated as a Roman Catholic holiday.

In Mexico and large parts of Latin America, the Day of the Dead is a national holiday and widely celebrated. People build small altars and bring the deceased's favorite food to the cemetery. In the Philippines, entire families spend the night at the graveyard, while in many countries in Europe people visit relatives' graves and gather with family and friends.

See more super extra awesomesauce Day of the Dead stuff here: http://www.mexicansugarskull.com/support/dodhistory.html

What are you afraid of?

in a strange town

2011-11-03T03:13:00.001-04:00

Kansas City, MO

I'm traveling for work, visiting shelters, forging bonds, offering support. Doing what I love, helping shelters help animals.

It's cold and rainy, and the wind is fierce. I don't mind; I'm in for the night, with room service coffee and bags packed for tomorrow's return home. I enjoy staying in hotels, with their magical self-making beds, self-tidying rooms, and dog-free sheets. Plus? It's a steady 60 degrees in my little temporary world, much too cold for wifey, but perfect for me. Still, it's not home...

Cocooned as I am in this one-size-fits-all space, these images - full of the clutter and clatter of home - are especially appealing.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town

is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

–Freya Stark

be all mine

2011-10-30T17:20:00.001-04:00

I got the message that you were coming.

We're so excited! We've been watching for you all day!

How was your journey? I know the path can be long, and lonely. Even with companions, you're still all alone with your thoughts.

But where are my manners? Let's not stand out here talking; please, come inside!

You can freshen up, then we'll have dinner. Let me show you upstairs.

Everything's all ready. We've been cooking for days!

I thought you might enjoy having dinner in the garden.

The others are already here. They're all so anxious to see you, they can hardly wait.

I've arranged some fun for after dinner. I think you'll enjoy it.

But what's the matter? What do you mean you can't stay? You've only just arrived!

Well, if you must go, then take this with you. Hold onto it as long as you can, and it should see you safely to the far edge of the forest. From there you'll be on your own, so keep your wits about you, and don't dawdle.

There's no time to linger. Night falls quickly when you've a long way to go through unfamiliar realms.

Be off!

Farewell and safe journey...

Witch-Wife

Edna St. Vincent Millay

She is neither pink nor pale,

And she never will be all mine;

She learned her hands in a fairy-tale,

And her mouth on a valentine.

She has more hair than she needs;

In the sun ‘tis a woe to me!

And her voice is a string of coloured beads,

Or steps leading into the sea.

She loves me all that she can,

And her ways to my ways resign;

But she was not made for any man,

And she never will be all mine.

her perpetual gaze

2011-10-29T01:47:00.000-04:00

I like witches. I've known witches all my life, and grew up in a household where witchcraft was a common occurrence, a tool to be used as needed. No pointy hats, though...

Samhain

-by Annie Finch

In the season leaves should love,

since it gives them leave to move

through the wind, towards the ground

they were watching while they hung,

legend says there is a seam

stitching darkness like a name.

Now when dying grasses veil

earth from the sky in one last pale

wave, as autumn dies to bring

winter back, and then the spring,

we who die ourselves can peel

back another kind of veil

that hangs among us like thick smoke.

Tonight at last I feel it shake.

I feel the nights stretching away

thousands long behind the days

till they reach the darkness where

all of me is ancestor.

I move my hand and feel a touch

move with me, and when I brush

my young mind across another,

I am with my mother's mother.

Sure as footsteps in my waiting

self, I find her, and she brings

arms that have answers for me,

intimate, waiting, bounty.

"Carry me." She leaves this trail

through a shudder of the veil,

and leaves, like amber where she stays,

a gift for her perpetual gaze.

our eyes permit

2011-10-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

I learned to read when I was 4. I wasn't particularly precocious, just curious, and fortunate enough to have a big sister to teach me. I specifically remember learning the word look, and that the two "oo"s looked like eyes...for looking.

I've been looking my whole life. There's so much to see.

Look at these autumnal images, all from etsy:

AmandaRaeK

WildLifePrints

JoshFriedmanPhoto

Raceytay

JudyStalus

NatureMandalas

AmandaRaeK

pinestreetphoto

sparksoffire

galleryzooart

While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph

can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes,

there is another in which it proves to us

how little our eyes permit us to see.

~ Dorothea Lange

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

the happiest color

2011-10-21T15:33:00.000-04:00

'Tis the season...for orange!

"Orange is the happiest color." - Frank Sinatra

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

so pleasant an effect

2011-10-18T02:02:00.000-04:00

There is no better season than this. Chilly nights, sunny days, every branch aflame. The dogs run races though the leaves that carpet the ground, and the bluejay grows fatter by the day, chasing the other birds away from the feeders.

There is no season when such pleasant and sunny spots may be lighted on,

and produce so pleasant an effect on the feelings, as now in October.

- Nathaniel Hawthorne

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

home in old October

2011-10-10T23:38:00.000-04:00

I love this c. 1778 farmhouse featured in Country Living. It's the home of ceramic artist Laura Zindel, and her family. That's her work in the hutch below, and in the last two images. I love the restrained palette, and the "cabinet-of-curiosities sensibilities" combined with genuine respect for the home's history - the wallpaper in the master bedroom was chosen by the previous owner's mother. I love everything about the last room.

I don't think I'd want to do full-on bats and spiders year-round, but in October it's damn near perfect.

Laura Zindel Studio

All things on earth point home in old October; sailors to sea, travellers to walls and fences, hunters to field and hollow and the long voice of the hounds, the lover to the love he has forsaken. ~ Thomas Wolfe

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

far from it

2011-10-08T01:40:00.001-04:00

Like the tent in Harry Potter, this little cabin is bigger on the inside than it appears on the outside...

Once upon a time there was a piece of wood.

It was not an expensive piece of wood.

Far from it. Just a common block of firewood,

one of those thick, solid logs that are put on the fire in winter

to make cold rooms cozy and warm.
Carlo Collodi

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

your child's favorite

2011-10-06T01:38:00.000-04:00

Monsters and squirrels and brooms, oh my!

If I had a little kid, these are the kinds of toys I'd want him or her to have. Handmade, fun. Funny. Beautiful. Sweet.

Parents are under a lot of pressure to provide kids with the toys all their friends have.

Grandparents, on the other hand...

AlyshellsCraftShack

applenamos

sleepyking

BilberryWood

sandymastroni

deelind

BROOMCHICK

bumblebird

fuish

IsabellasArt

Fairyfolk

MamaWestWind

Neafus

harlequinlove

NiklynDesigns

WereRabbit2006

(all via etsy)

You will always be your child's favorite toy.

~ Vicki Lansky

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

wild with leaves

2011-10-01T03:20:00.000-04:00

Hello, October.

Hello chilly nights, frosty mornings, blazing foliage. Hello sweaters, and boots, and hot chocolate. Hello goldenrod. Hello plaid. Hello goodbye geese.

There's nothing I can say about you that hasn't been said a thousand thousand times.

So I'll stop here, and just look.

Listen! The wind is rising,

the air is wild with leaves,

We have had our summer evenings,

now for October eves!

~ Humbert Wolfe

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

cackle with impunity

2011-09-25T21:07:00.000-04:00

I'm 50 years old. I'm 50 years old. I'm 50 years old.

Nope, it doesn't matter how many times I say it: it still soundslike I'm talking about someone else. Me, fifty? No way. (Exceptthat I am...)

When I went to Canada in July I bought a copy of their version of More Magazine (it's a lot better that ours, bythe way) to read on the plane, and inside found this article: 50 Things to do forYour 50th Birthday.

Some of the suggestions made me smile:

3. What did you love todo when you were 10? Draw, ride horses, play piano? Do it again.

4. Give yourself permission to flip the bird to the universe andburn your copy of The Secret.

One made me a little sad:

25. Write your owneulogy and then file it away with your will.

And then I got to this one, and literally laughed out loud:

46. Forget aboutcomposing a bucket list and instead draw up a fuck-it list: things I will nolonger worry about or bow down to, such as demanding relatives or those last 10pounds.

I've pretty much lived my life fuck-it list style, which is why my80 year old mother is currently not speaking to me, and why my ex-husband saidof me, after our last conversation,"I put up with her shit for 20 years,and I don't have to put up with it any more!" (Except thatsometimes he still does have to...)

I've never made a list, though, and I love lists! So here, inno particular order, is

My (Incomplete) Fuck-it List:

· I will not pretend I'm heterosexual, Republican,or Christian. It's okay with me if you are, I'mjust...not.

· I will speak up against bigotry and hate whenever I encounterit.

· If I see you abusing a child or an animal, I'm going to saysomething to you, and/or call the cops. My definition of those things may bestricter than yours, but if it looks abusive to me, I'm on it.

· If I see someone doing something nice, or looking like they need akind word, I will say something. They may think I'm crazy, but it may maketheir day. That's a chance worth taking.

· I will address bad customer service. If someone is doing their bestand it's still not good, that's one thing. But if they're not really trying?I'm on it.

· I will Laugh. Out. Loud.

Oneof the best things about gathering years

isthe right to cackle with impunity.

-Clarissa Pinkola-Estes

What would you add to this list?

Next up: My Bucket List, aka "Things to do Before I Go"

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

the gods will offer you chances

2011-09-21T01:52:00.004-04:00

The Laughing Heart

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

~Charles Bukowski

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when our hearts are conscious

2011-09-17T13:21:00.000-04:00

I've been in Toronto since Wednesday, training for my new job. I've experienced cultural differences on several levels - Canadian vs. American, and non-profit vs. corporate for-profit. Everyone here has been really friendly, helpful, accommodating, and it's actually been a lot of fun!

We wrapped up yesterday, and last night I went to dinner with one of the VPs, who, even though he was doing his corporate "duty" by taking the new Director out to dinner, was also a genuinely nice guy whose company I really enjoyed. It wasn't "just" dinner in Toronto, though...No, we drove to Niagara Falls, about an hour south of the city, and had dinner at a restaurant on the 33rd floor of the Hilton, overlooking the Falls, complete with a fireworks display.

Have I mentioned that I'm the luckiest person I know?

You can lean right over the guard rail, and the water is literally just a few feet below

When night falls, the lights come up...

And then, FIREWORKS!

From the restaurant

Next up, Chicago for more training. I have to run - my limo will be here in 1/2 hour to take me to the airport. (TRUST ME, I'm totally awed by this, and any attempts to be casual about it are purely an act!!)

Have I mentioned that I'm the luckiest person I know? :)

We can only be said to be alive in those moments

when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

~Thornton Wilder

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the freedom to move forward

2011-09-14T04:21:00.002-04:00

I am the newest Regional Director of Shelter Outreach for Pethealth, Inc. I'll provide customer support to current clients - animal shelters and rescues - in Indiana, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Missouri, and will bring new shelters and rescues on board.

Pethealth, Inc offers a suite of products for the animal welfare field, including microchips, pet insurance, and shelter management software (PetPoint). As Shelter Manager at the Kentucky Humane Society, I got to know the products, and the company, and I knew that if I left KHS, I wanted to work for Pethealth, Inc.

So, that's what I'm going to do.

And the Kentucky Humane Society - my former employer - will now be one of my clients.

This Uncertain Summer is officially over.

The freedom to move forward to new opportunities and to produce results comes from living in the present not the past - Brian Koslow

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

'til you yourself are a sail

2011-09-09T04:10:00.001-04:00

Last month I mentioned that I'd been feeling drawn to the sea, and wondered what I was really trying to say to myself with that feeling. Yesterday, all at once, I figured it out.

When I lost my job, I abruptly found myself in cast out into completely unfamiliar territory, not knowing where I was going, or what lay ahead. I couldn't stay, so I just had to go. If I was going to save myself, I had to take that leap of faith, and leave the shore.

I spent a good deal of time out on open waters. Uncharted waters. There was no going back, and the far shore was nowhere in sight. No wonder the idea of the sea felt so familiar to me: I've spent an entire season and then some trying to find the other shore.

I'm almost there. I wonder how long it will take me to get my land legs back?

And then today I received this in the mail:

The secret of seeing is to sail on solar wind.

Hone and spread your spirit, 'til you yourself are a sail,

whetted, translucent,

broadside to the merest puff.

- Annie Dillard

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look out the streaked window with complacency

2011-09-07T02:27:00.000-04:00

Hello, September. I'm so glad you're here, and with you, the onset of autumn. This Uncertain Summer is all but over. Next week I fly to Canada, then Chicago, for training at my new job. Tomorrow I'll be FIFTY. So - yeah - we're turning the corner...

After months and days of hellish heat, autumn blew in a few nights ago on the back of a storm, and has settled in to stay awhile. Daytime temps are cool, nights are downright chilly. It's been raining on and off since Sunday, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Bring on the cozy...

The best kind of rain, of course, is a cozy rain. This is the kind the anonymous medieval poet makes me remember, the rain thatfalls on a day when you'd just as soon stay in bed a little longer, writeletters or read a good book by the fire, take early tea with hot scones and jamand look out the streaked window with complacency. ~Susan Allen Toth, EnglandFor All Seasons

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What To Do Before and After You Lose Your Job

2011-08-29T19:35:00.000-04:00

One of the responsibilities of professional leadership is providing employees with ongoing feedback about his or her performance. Appropriate feedback all along the way gives an employee the opportunity to correct her course, and to improve her performance if it's lacking. Conventional wisdom teaches that, if leadership is doing their job right, no one should ever be surprised by losing his or her job.

I was surprised. Let's just leave it at that.

Losing my job and getting through the aftermath was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced, but I learned some valuable lessons in the process, and I'm going to share those lessons with you. Consider this a crash course in:

WHAT TO DO BEFORE AND AFTER YOU LOSE YOUR JOB

1) BE PREPARED. Some of the most important steps you'll take actually need to happen before you lose your job...well before.

Create a Plan B. Network, keep your finger on the pulse, and consider - regularly and realistically - what you would do if you weren't doing this. Make and maintain relationships with people outside your workplace; they'll be your most likely route to another job if you need one. (Your work buddies are the ones who'll sympathize, drink, and eat with you. You need them, too. The others are in addition to, not instead of...)
Pack Your Bags. Not literally, but know that if losing your job comes as a "surprise," you'll likely also immediately lose access to your work files, email, and voice mail. Hell, you may lose access to the building! If this is the only place you've stored your contacts, resume (Who would do that? So stupid! But while we're on the topic, take a few minutes once or twice a year to update said resume.), training certificates, etc, you're going to be a) screwed, and b) at the mercy of HR, who may or may not feel inclined to help you out in this situation. So, keep that stuff off-site: mail important documents to your personal email. Sync your contacts to you personal cell. Keep a current copy of your job description. A flash drive on your personal keyring can hold it all.

2) FALL APART. When it happens, you're going to feel like you've been kicked in the guts. Then you'll probably go numb for awhile; enjoy that phase, because it doesn't last long before the pain comes back with a vengeance. Cry, swear, eat, sleep, drink, smoke, whatever. You're allowed to wallow, just not forever. If this phase lasts more than a week or so you'll have to combine it with the next phase, which can't wait too long.

3) GET SMART. As soon as possible, you'll need to start taking steps on you own behalf. There are some things no one can do for you.

Call in the Cavalry.

a) Get in touch with those folks you cultivated back in Phase 1. Let people know you're available to work. (I actually did this within the first 15 minutes of losing my job.)
b) Stay in touch with your other friends and family. They're going to be worried about you, and will want to know how to help. Getting dressed and going OUT is one of those things you may not want to do at first, but do it eventually. It really will make you feel better.

Apply for Unemployment Benefits. If your former employer contests your claim, file an appeal, and if the unemployment office schedules a conference call with you and your former employer, show up. You'd be surprised at how many people don't follow through.
Figure Out Your Finances. Lose any unnecessary expenditures. Trim the fat, for now.
Update Your Resume, and touch base with the people you'll be listing as references.

4) MIND YOUR MANNERS. As tempting as it may be to publicly badmouth your former employer - especially if you feel you've been wrongly terminated - resist that temptation. Surely I don't need to explain why.

5) GET POSITIVE, STAY POSITIVE. You can spend this time in misery, or make the best of it. Since the choice is yours...

Enjoy the Time as Best You Can. Play with the dogs (or kids, if you have them), garden, read, bake, learn to knit, finish that project, write that short story, learn to use your digital camera. Start a blog. The world is full of people who wish they had time to do those things. You do have the time. Use it.
Practice Good Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Hygiene. Make sure your self-talk isn't self defeating. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Be kind to yourself. While not necessarily easy, it really is just that simple.

6) IT IS WHAT IT IS. I am an absolute believer that things happen as they should, and that the journey - delays, obstacles, and all - is as important as the destination. Use this experience to look at your life, and your beliefs about your life, in new ways. Maybe there's a lesson there. Maybe there isn't. The point is, you can't undo what's happened, but you can determine what you'll make of it, and what it will make of you.

7) BOUNCE BACK. You will. Really. Until then, HANG IN THERE.

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It's Official!

2011-08-28T05:00:00.000-04:00

I GOT THE JOB!! The job I wanted, the job I convinced my new employer to create for me, the job where I work from home, travel, and get handsomely paid. The job that's not only in my chosen field - Animal Welfare - but which gives me the opportunity to expand my sphere of influence to something more in line with my sphere of concern. Hell yeah!

To all of you in blogland who have supported me, encouraged me, and cheered me along:

from the bottom of my heart!

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

in that little world

2011-08-22T23:42:00.000-04:00

I dreamt last night that I was back in the giant late Victorian era farmhouse where I lived for 10 years. The house was beautiful, spacious, had many of its original architectural details, including cast iron fireplace surrounds, original hearth tiles, beautiful over-mantels with original beveled mirrors, solid wood doors, plaster walls...it was magnificent.

It was also falling apart, and hadn't been updated since it was new - so, no central heat/air, no insulation, original (or at best, very very VERY old) wiring and plumbing...in other words, it was also a mess. A magnificent mess.

This isn't the Glendale house, but it could be...

I loved it, though, and didn't care at all that it was in such bad shape. It was on 365 acres, 1/4 mile from the nearest neighbor but only 20 minutes from town, and because it was such a mess, the rent was cheap. I mean really cheap, as in $200 a month. It was perfect for us while we were there. With 2 stories, 4 bedrooms, 2 "parlors," a formal dining room, eat-in kitchen, and front and back hallways wider than most rooms in newer homes, it was like a giant dollhouse. The possibilities were practically endless. I had more fun decorating and rearranging that house than I've had in any other, before or since. Which was what I was doing in my dream - deciding how to rearrange.

I was specifically working on 3 different sitting rooms, and thinking to myself "We don't need 3 sitting rooms, this is ridiculous. But we have all these empty rooms - so I may as well have fun with them!"

Truth be told, I do love sitting rooms, and probably would have 3 if I could. The requirements: the room must be comfortable, well-appointed with places for books and pots of tea and flowers and candles, have adequate lighting for reading, but options for lower light too, be tidy, but ever-so-slightly disheveled...a bit of shabbiness is preferred. A sofa with pillows and a blanket for napping, and a fireplace or open-flame heater are bonuses, but barely...they're very nearly necessities.

Still, the best and most important thing about any place we would call "home" is those with whom we share it...

***

There is a magic in that little world, home;

it is a mystic circle that surrounds comforts and virtues

never known beyond its hallowed limits.

~ Robert Southey

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to be anything or nothing

2011-08-19T00:55:00.003-04:00

91 years ago today, after a 72 year battle, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution of The United States of America was ratified, effectively granting the vote to women. Our fore-mothers had to fight for a right we take completely for granted today - so completely that nearly 40% of us don't even exercise it.

The brave and ballsy women who put everything on the line for us - generations of women they would never know - deserve our respect, our gratitude, and our remembrance. They did more than just make banners and march. They were loud, vocal, agitators, troublemakers - and they paid dearly for their actions. Many were imprisoned, and when they went on hunger strikes, they were brutally force-fed.

But they did not give up...

They kept marching, singing, protesting, agitating, until they won.

Registering women voters

We're the fortunate ones, born in a country where the hardest work for gender equality was done by our ancestors. In other parts of the world that's not the case, even today:

"In many countries, women are not entitled to own property or inherit land. Social exclusion, “honor” killings, female genital mutilation, trafficking, restricted mobility and early marriage among others, deny the right to health to women and girls and increase illness and death throughout the life-course." — Dr Margaret Chan, Director-General, World Health Organization

Despite the progress made, the work started over 200 years ago - before this country was a country - isn't finished. Did you know that the "Equal Rights Amendment" ("Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex."), written in 1923 by suffragist Alice Paul, was passed, but still has not been ratified?

"The ERA was introduced into every session of Congress between 1923 and 1972, when it was passed and sent to the states for ratification. The seven-year time limit in the ERA's proposing clause was extended by Congress to June 30, 1982, but at the deadline, the ERA had been ratified by 35 states, leaving it three states short of the 38 required for ratification. It has been reintroduced into every Congress since that time." (source)

Take a minute to look back, to say thank you, and then to look ahead at the work still to be done. They did it for us; now let us do it for them. (Click captions for more information on these amazing women to whom we owe so much.)

Frances Wright

Ernestine Louise Rose

Lucretia Mott

Sarah Margaret Fuller

Matilda Electa Joslyn Gage

Lucy Stone

Susan B. Anthony

Elizabeth Cady Stanton
& Susan B. Anthony

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Alice Paul was portrayed
by Hilary Swank in Iron Jawed Angels.

Elizabeth Freeman

Carrie Chapman Catt

Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences.

~ Susan B. Anthony

For a more complete list of famous Suffragists, see here.

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only this moment

2011-08-18T04:11:00.003-04:00

This Uncertain Summer is almost over. Next up, September, which brings:

A new job!
The 11th Anniversary of the day I married my unlawfully wedded wife.
And a VERY BIG birthday:

Begin doing what you want to do now. We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake.
~Marie Ray

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the folding of the wings

2011-08-15T04:06:00.001-04:00

A dear old friend passed the other day. Passed as in died.

It had been years since I'd seen her, even though she only lived an hour away. I spoke with her a couple years ago, and meant to make - and keep - plans to get together, but never did. A few months ago I got word that she was terminally ill, and even though there was part of me that wanted to go see her, wanted to say goodbye, there was another, obviously stronger part that just...didn't.

So I didn't.

And now she's gone beyond the veil, and I hope she forgives me for being such a terrible friend. Or not a friend.

The fact is I really am a terrible friend. I'm not sure why, but I am. I don't stay in touch, I go incommunicado for years at a time, I don't call or write or visit...and yet, for some reason that I don't comprehend, people still love me, and rally 'round to offer support when I need it, and miss me when I'm gone (which is always).

There will be a celebration of my friend's life later this week, at the home she loved so, for the people who love her. As much as I want to be there, I think I forfeited that right by not visiting when she was alive.

I love you, Georgie. As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us.

George Anne Egerton
April 6, 1931 - August 11, 2011

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.

Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

~ Rabindranath Tagore

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removes the rough edges

2011-08-11T03:03:00.002-04:00

We watched the movie Cinema Verite last night. Have you seen it? It's based on the true story of the Loud family, who were the "stars" of television's first reality show in the early 1970s. This film tells the behind-the-scenes stories of what went on during the taping, which is interesting enough. For me, though, the real fascination was the set and costume design (and watching Diane Lane; she was phenomenal). I was awash in nostalgia by the time it was over.

That said, there was some really great design in the 1970s...and some that was truly hideous. I'll let you decide for yourself how these images measure up.

"WOMAN ALIVE"

Is this little perv looking up her skirt?! I think so!

(Speaking of pervy...)

Random '70s guy

Sexy!

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

~Doug Larson

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this is life

2011-08-08T06:50:00.001-04:00

Everyone has to make their own decisions. I still believe that.

You just have to be able to accept the consequences without complaining.

- Grace Jones

*****

THIS IS LIFE

Grace Jones

This is my voice
My weapon of choice

This is life
This is life

This is plate
This is a cup
This is a story I didn't make up
This is a girl lost in the woods
Some kind of wagon from some other 'hood

This is a voice
These are the hands
This is technology
Mixed with the band

Are you going into the light
Are you free of fear today
When you lie down to sleep do you kind of float away

This is life
This is life

Most of my crimes are of optimism
40 thousand volts of recognition
They tried to strip me of dignity
But I still have tenacity

These are the words I didn't invent
Only an attempt to say what I meant

This is the paper
This is the pen
This is my weapon
A means to an end

Are you going into the desert
You're out of control of your fate
There are no warriors without a war
So get ahead before it's too late

This is life (ya'll)

Lay down your spear
Let go your fear
Far becomes near

Oh Lord
This is life (hey!)

This is the tree
The Buddha slept under
These are the clouds
This is our thunder

This is what makes me look up and wonder
Into the eye of the wind
Through the rain
On to the plain

This is what I'm focused on
This is my head on straight
This is the harness
This is the bait
This is me
I'm flying again

This is a lawyer
Professional liar
There, Taking
Igniting the fire

This is the key
This is the door
Imagine the view from the basement floor

(Hey!)
Now you're going into the desert
You're out of control of your fate
Are you a slave in a chain of command
Serving up another man's head

This is life

Lay down your spear
Let go your fear
Far becomes near
Look out

This is life

Are you going into the light
Are you freeing your fear today
When you lie down to sleep
Do you kind of float away

This is depression
It comes when you're blocking
This is expression
It comes when your rocking

This is life

This is (ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
This is (ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
This is (ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
This is (ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
This is (ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)
This is (ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!)

When you lie down to sleep
Do you kind of float away
(This is a plate, this is a cup, this is a story, this is a story I didn't make up)

When you lie down to sleep
Do you kind of float away
(This is a plate, this is a cup, this is a story I didn't make up)

This is the world still healing
This is man that's feeling
This is the world still turning
This is the rage still burning
This is the man not learning
This is life

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

DISCLAIMER: I found this post HERE first. I loved it so much, and it so perfectly fits how I feel, that I decided to repost - with a few edits - it here, in my world. Thanks to AGNETA for the inspiration!

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

the cure for anything

2011-08-04T04:11:00.001-04:00

I've had the sea on my mind a lot lately. I've been drawn to images of water and sand and sky. I've been thinking about boats, and anchors, so much so that it feels like "Yeah, a boat on the sea, I know about that, that's something I'm going to do..." As if it's part of my life. Which it isn't.

I think it's symbolic, my longing for and (totally false) feeling of familiarity with the sea.

I just have to figure out what it's symbolic of.

I'm sure it's partly to do with not going to Scotland this summer. But it's more than that.

Do you have any ideas?

When I get it figured out I'll let you know...

http://confessionsofasineater.blogspot.com/

the peace of wild things

2011-08-02T02:14:00.005-04:00

We moved to the country for many reasons. We wanted privacy, quiet, security, room for our dogs to roam and romp..and the simple beauty of living where the world is slightly less tame, and slightly more wild.

BlackBaroque on etsy

We've found all that and more here on Moss Hill, and although most of what happens here - at least most of what we witness - isn't particularly spectacular, and is, in fact, really quite routine, the wonder of it all never ceases to delight and amaze.

Quail scurry around - looking rather idiotic - eating the bits thrown from the bird feeder by messier birds. Deer pass through every evening, always along the same path at the edge of the yard. Hummingbirds swoop and flitter around the feeders, fueling their mania with sugar water.

Under cover of darkness, tree frogs swim in the pool, and climb onto our outstretched hands if we're in the water with them. One of them has taken up temporary residence on the porch, singing from the rim of the fountain in the evenings, and sleeping in the now-empty pollywog pool during the day. (Did I tell you about the pollywogs?...We raised a dozen or so in a habitat I put together using an under-bed storage tote, sand, rocks, and water. They all grew up over the course of the summer, some into toads, others into tree frogs. The last one moved out yesterday.)

tinyartjewelry on etsy

Bats soar and dive at dusk and dawn...Last week I lay down in the grass at sunrise as a whole cloud of bats fluttered and plummeted to within a few feet of my face, catching their breakfast of insects rising up from the warming grass. I had to hold my hand over my mouth to keep from crying out, it was so thrilling. My equivalent of swimming with dolphins, I think.

I know these things are commonplace, but to me they'll never be ordinary. This humble world of hours is a marvelous place, and I, for one, am madly in love with it.

Property of Russ Thompson, Louisville KY
Visit Enjoyable Hummingbirds to see more.

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me,

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be -

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water,

and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief.

I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light.

For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

~ Wendell Berry

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dream a new dream (or: Plan B Comes to Fruition)

2011-07-30T20:15:00.001-04:00

...

7/28/2011

(that's A.M.)

(that's P.M.)

Start date: September 15, 2011

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adventure or nothing...

2011-07-27T21:52:00.001-04:00

OhmygodtomorrowisaBIGdayandI'msoexcitedandfreakingnervousthatIcan'tthinkstraightatall.

I WISH I could tell you all what's going on, but I can't, I really really can't. And I REALLY REALLY want to, so I could have all of you be excited and nervous with me!

Here we go!

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right on time

2011-07-23T15:41:00.001-04:00

This Uncertain Summer is shaping right up. I still feel like I am NOT in control of the situation(s), that I am being washed along like a boat on the water, but I am (mostly) staying positive, trusting the tide, and going with the flow. And I think it's working...

I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship.

-Louisa May Alcott

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